Please read our disclaimer! • 18 mos. old won't sit without a diaper
My 18 Mos. old won't sit without a diaper Q: My son is 18 Months old. I have been trying to potty train him. He is fascinated with the toilet and has one of his own. He is very smart and follows directions when told to do something. He understands us. I know that I would be able to train him in less than a week because he tries hard to please us. My only problem is that he will only sit on it with a diaper on. He won't sit on the toilet naked. If I put him on it naked, or get him naked in the same room as the toilet, he cries. Is this normal? I know once he sits on the toilet and goes successfully, it will be smooth sailing but my problem is that he won't site on it without a diaper. I don't want to reward him for going in the diaper, even if he is sitting on the toilet. How do I conquer this problem? A: I know you probably do not want to hear this, but I think it is important for you to know that he is telling you that he isn't quite ready yet. The simply solution and most effective solution would be to continue as you are doing (letting him get used to his potty) and don't push it any further. Let him run around naked and try that for a few hours a day to see if he will sit on his potty without his diaper. If he still cries, then simply wait another month or so when he feels ready. It will be much easier and less traumatic if you wait until he is physically and emotionally ready for the transition! There really isn't an age to start, it is really when your child is ready. 18 mos. is a little early, but if he is showing most of the signs, try again in a month or so or try the naked method. Twenty-two to twenty-four months is a good age to begin if your child is both emotionally and physically ready. Your son sounds like he is not quite ready. Pushing him will only set you back, because he may decide that he hates the potty if you force him to sit without a diaper if he is not ready. You would then have to wait a lot longer, to get him over his fears. So.. in my opinion, take it slow and let it be his success! Praise when he makes an effort to sit with his diaper on (this will give him the incentive to maybe try when it is not on) and don't make a big deal if he doesn't want to try with his diaper off. He will sense if you are upset with him, and you don't want that. You want to continue to boost his self-esteem, and he will naturally go to the next step (to please you). My child won't change his wet underwear! Q: I've read all of your suggestions to parents when a child regresses after successfully going on the potty. I, however, have a problem with my son that I have not seen you address. I have taken your suggestions and have not made an issue out of it when he wets his pants. I have clean pants waiting for him whenever he has an accident. My problem is that he will just kick off the wet pants and refuse to put on clean ones. He knows how to dress himself, but couldn't be bothered with underwear. Should I help him put on a clean pair? If I don't he is likely to have an accident on the furniture. Any suggestions, please? A: Children will always test parents limits. It is very important to be consistent during toilet training and follow through with what you ask of your child (setting rules and limits). You should kindly but firmly tell your child to change into a dry pair of underwear (follow through until he does). "Please take off the wet underwear and put a new pair on". There are ways to distract from your child having a tantrum or power struggle. Here are some tactics you can use to achieve this task (your child changing his own underwear): 1. Empathize; 2. Boost self-esteem; 3. Distract; and 4. Praise and reward. The first thing you want to do when your child wets is to empathize with your child and acknowledge the problem. The second is boost your child's self-esteem. The third thing you would want to do is distract. Finally reward and praise your child when he does change his underwear all by himself. Build self-esteem by telling your child what a big boy he is for doing it all by himself! Here are some examples of what you might say to your child: "Oh you wet your pants? That's o.k.(empathize), maybe you can run a little faster next time so you don't get your underwear wet". "I'll bet your a fast runner?(distraction and boosting self-esteem)". "Here are your dry underwear, which ones would you like to wear,(distraction) the plain white ones or the Pokemon (giving choices)"? Put these on and I will go pour us some juice (or whatever..i.e..read a story, watch a movie, paint, color a picture...etc) (distraction)". Praise your child whenever he does use the potty all by himself or puts on his underwear all by himself. Good luck, hope this helps. What do I do for nighttime training and errands? Q: I am wondering how I should handle my 3.5 year olds potty training during the night and when we have to run errands. Should we use pull-ups or just let him where his cotton training pants and be ready for accidents during those times as well? A: Be ready for accidents! Consistency is the key. Be consistent and keep him in underwear. It will make training go a lot faster if you expect your child to use the potty and get him into a routine. Prepare by limiting fluids before bed and have your child empty his bladder just before bed. This will eliminate most accidents. You can put a waterproof cover or plastic sheet on his bed under him until he learns to hold it through out the night. Always bring your child to the potty before leaving the house. Bring plenty of extra underwear and a clean change of clothing (just in case). Switching back and forth to pull-ups is counterproductive and only confuses the issue. It will also build self-esteem by letting your child know that you trust him to use the bathroom. It is only a matter of time, before your child will catch on and learn the routine. Good luck. Help! We moved, now my son won't use the potty! Q: My husband and I have been helping our 2.5 yr. old son learn to use the potty since the summer of 1999. He was doing real well.He would pee on the potty and do poop when he felt like going. He had a friend that I was baby sitting they were 2 weeks apart.He was also potty training the same time my son was. They would see who would be the first to go on the potty. It would help with my son's training to have a friend to potty train with. We moved in Dec. 1999 and his friend stopped coming to our home the end of Dec. 1999 he went to day care We didn't think it had an affect on our son as he did not show any signs that it bothered him.But we feel that it affected him a lot more than we first realized.Now he is going on the potty when he feels like it.Sometimes he refuses to sit on the potty altogether.Lately he will go in his pants and tell us after the fact.Other times he will tell us and we can't get him to the potty in time.My husband and I have realized that we have been pushing him too hard without realizing what we were doing.I have gotten frustrated and have punished him a couple of times and I realize that I have only made the situation worse. He is our first child and we have no experience with potty training so it is all new to us. We have videos and books that we watch and read to him.We try really hard to be understanding and encourage him as much as possible.We want this to be a fun and learning experience for our son. We don't want to put our son behind in any way by approaching this the wrong way. We have read a lot of articles and we realize that we have made a lot of mistakes with his potty training. We just don't know what to do.We don't want to push him in any way. We want what's best for our son and right now we don't know what that is.How do we approach this the right way? How do we help him get back on track with out pushing him? Do we have anything to worry about? Do you have any suggestions to make this go a lot smoother? We tell him that he is a big boy and big boys go on the potty. A: Don't worry; you are doing a fine job. You can tell you are trying your best and that is all you can do. The important this is to keep your cool at ALL times and be consistent and patient when toilet training. Start a reward system and put him in underwear (as long as he is ready for toilet training, know what the toilet is for, and understands the process). If he wets himself, do not make a big deal out of it, simply instruct him to change himself into dry underwear (assuming he can dress himself, if he can't, then you maybe should try later when he is capable of pulling up and down his pants). Put a stack of clean dry underwear in the bathroom for him to change into when he has an accident. Have him take off the wet pants, put them in the hamper and put on a clean pair, all by himself. This teaches him to be responsible and helps him to learn faster. He will catch on quickly. Keep track of his bowel movements. You can make a potty diary if necessary. It will help you determine when he has to eliminate so you can have him practice sitting on the potty at that time. Try hourly until he poops. Reward him with stories and fun things while sitting for five minutes sits. Don't allow him to go off and poop in another room. If you keep your eye on him, you can direct him to the potty. He will eventually have to go if you time it right. Consistency in your routine, is the key. Q: Help. My 2 1/2 year son was completely potty trained day and night, poop and potty. For almost the past month we have had the problem that he will not go poop in the potty only his pants. Sometimes he won't even tell us preferring to sit in it sometimes he tells us right away. Have tried everything I can think of from rewards to getting mad, potty books and potty movies. We make a big deal even if he just tries. There is nothing new or different at our house. Please help? A: It is fairly common for a two and half year old to regress. Don't despair, just get him back on track by reinforcing his good behavior and not bringing attention to the bad behavior. He is trying to get your attention. You need to respond to his BM accidents in a matter of fact way (the potty is where we poop and pee). Don't give him much attention when he soils his pants (he may be doing this to get your attention). When he has an accident, just have him help to empty his pants into the potty, telling him each time that the poop goes in the potty (without anger or negative emotions). He will soon learn that he is not going to get attention if he poops and he has to clean up the mess. Also, very important here, make sure you are spending quality one on one time with him and praise him when he does use the potty. Take him to the park or out for an ice cream when he goes in the potty. By giving him lots of attention when he does good, he will learn to use the potty again. How do I train my daughter at night? Q: How do we train our 2 1/2 year old foster daughter to go potty overnight? she is potty trained in the day, for the most part, she may have an accident in her nap time. A: Try limiting her fluids two hours before bedtime and have her empty her bladder before bed. In some children, it takes time for them to learn to hold their bladder during sleep. Use a water proof pad under her while sleeping to save from doing laundry until she learns how to hold it. As soon as she wakes, bring her to the potty. Don't forget to praise her when she wakes up dry! Is my 2.5-year-old daughter ready? Q: Hi. I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter who I have been trying to potty train for about 6 months. She would not go on any potty -- until last night. She stayed the night with my friend and her daughters (ages 5 and 7) and she went potty on the toilet for the first time ever. I have been praising her ever since she got home this morning, but still, she has not gone at home and has gone twice in her pants, even though I have taken her in to sit on the toilet. What am I doing so wrong? I am getting very frustrated and running out of ideas. Thank you. A: You are not doing anything wrong. She is only two and may not be ready yet. If she shows all the signs of readiness, wants to learn and is showing an interest in the toilet/potty, then start training. If she isn't, then wait a few more months. You are better off waiting until she is ready and willing than trying to toilet train her if she isn't ready. Hope this makes you feel a little at ease! ;o) At this point, you may want to read her potty training books and put videos on for her to watch, have a potty chair in the room where she plays and maybe if you do not push her she will start to explore on her own. Sometimes when we back off, they surprise us. Always praise her (without overdoing it) when she makes an effort. Don't make a big deal out of it, just go about your daily business. Children can sense when we are anxious, and if you show it when potty training, she will too. She won't want to perform. So, I would say take it slow and try to let it be her success. You will be amazed at what will happen. I hope it does for you. Let me know how it goes in a month or so. Is my daughter regressing? What should I do? Q: My 2 year old daughter trained herself in about a week. I wasn't planning on training her this early, but she insisted. She went 100% on the toilet for about a month. For the past two weeks, however, she has started to pee in her pants again and refuses to sit on the toilet at all. Do I put her back in diapers and forget it? What do I do? A: Is there something different going on in her life? Maybe this could be the cause of her regression? If so, sit her down and try to sympathize with her. She may be more willing to use the potty if she didn't have something bothering her. If she was completely toilet trained with both pee and poop, then I would not put her back in diapers (unless you want to go through this again! ;o) Have her take them off all by herself (be nice about it) and instruct her to get into a fresh pair of underwear herself. After a few days, she will realize that it is easier to go on the potty. By having her deal with the wet undies herself, she will learn from this. Do NOT make a big deal about her accidents (sometimes they do this to get attention). Do not show frustration. Just point to where she may get some new underwear to change into all by herself. If you let her know that it doesn't bother you, she will probably go back to using the potty. Make sure you are giving plenty of one on one attention. Also, praise her for any efforts at using the potty or staying dry. If all else fails, try later when she is more willing to cooperate, she is still very young. Good luck! At what age should I stop using rubber pants? Q: At what age should I stop using rubber pants on my untrained daughter? She is 4 years old and still not trained but without the rubber pants the carpets and furniture gets ruined! A: I would keep using the rubber pants on her until she starts using the potty consistently and on her own. This way you will only have to launder the clothing rather than both the rugs and the clothing! When she wets her panties, have her take them off all by herself and then change into news one. Have a stack of clean dry underwear available for her and in a convenient location (like on the back of the toilet) for her. When she wets herself, matter of fact say to her (without anger) or direct her to where she is to go to change herself (and put the wet or soiled ones in the sink for you to rinse). The fastest way for children to learn to use the toilet is by learning from their mistakes. ;o) Don't forget to praise her for staying dry! Difficulty with potty training in daycare Q: Hi! I am a mother of a three year old boy. He turned three on February 14, 1999. I am in a situation that I have great concern about. My son is in daycare full-time and I am unable to spend the time with him for potty training. I am a full-time student so I am only with him on evenings. The major concern that I have is potty training in the preschool and their approach to it. Michael shows no signs of a readiness for potty training. I ask him often if he needs to go potty but the response I receive is "no". Does this mean he is not ready? The daycare has taken it upon themselves to teach him to be potty trained. I personally feel he is not emotionally or physically ready. The day care has told me that he has gone potty there. They want me to bring in underwear instead of pull-ups. I feel that if he wears underwear and does not make it to the potty he will be humiliated. The daycare is also forcing him to go potty. I have witnessed a situation where the teacher told Michael, now that he is three he needs to go potty, but Michael just kept on saying "no, no, no". He through a fit when he was placed on the potty. The teacher was basically forcing him to sit on the potty until he urinated. I think he was just scared into urinating, the times he went. What is your view on this situation and how might it be dealt with? A: Well, I think that you know your son better than daycare and if you do not think he is ready for potty training, then he probably isn't. Just because he says "NO!" doesn't necessarily mean that he isn't ready. Rather, he is too busy or just doesn't want to. I think that if you haven't even begun the introduction to potty training, then your daycare provider shouldn't be forcing him to sit on the toilet. This daycare does not sound very sympathetic or understanding. I would move him to another daycare. I think you need to work on helping him to get mentally ready. By showing him by example, reading him potty books and watching video tapes with him. Put one on each night, then offer him to try the potty "like the little boy in the movie!". If he still does not want to try it, then he is not ready. Why don't you ask your son how he likes using the potty at school? If he sounds terrified, then I would not let them force him to use it! It is your responsibility as a parent to teach him when he is ready. :) You want it to be a pleasant learning experience not a bad child hood memory. Make the process fun! If he doesn't have his own potty, then shop for one together. Let him pick out the model he likes. Make a big deal out of getting him some new big boy underwear and throwing the diapers out together. You need to be consistent or it will never work. If you cannot change your daycare provider, then you will need to work with them and him (every night so he understands what is going on at Daycare). Let him wear the big boy underwear, but instruct them not to FORCE him to use the potty. Your son will see the others using it and will want to be like the rest of them if he is ready. Bring in 3 or 4 extra pairs for accidents. Just explain to him that this is how he learns and it's O.K. if he has an accident! Tell him he is learning and he will get the hang of it. I do think that daycare is a great place to help your child, but not if they use the tactics you put in your letter. I would speak to the owner if you are not comfortable. I wish you the best of luck! 2.7-year-old girl refuses to go # 2 on potty Q: My Little girl is 2yrs, 7mths. She has been using the potty & toilet for 3 months now for a wee and will always tell me with very little accidents but refused to use the potty for a poo...she knows when she is about to do it but will run off, have a tantrum and will not go to the toilet, always doing it in her pants..I do not want to go back to nappies but it is very frustrating and messy. Can you help? A: I understand that it is very frustrating, but you have accomplished half the battle. My almost three year old son started to withhold his stool because I was trying to push him, so you do not want to do that, believe me! She will train at her own pace. All children train at different ages and your child will train too! Just try to make it fun for her, with no pressure and use her little friends names as examples of when she gets bigger she will use the potty to do her BM too! A good strategy for you to try, would be to leave her diaper off at the time she normally has her bowel movement. Then when she shows signs she has to go, offer to read a story on the potty. Grandmother of active 3-year-old wondering when to worry Q: I am the grandmother of an extremely active 3 year old. All of our efforts to train him have been unsuccessful. He absolutely refuses to sit for any longer than 2 minutes tops. When should we start worrying about him? A: With your grandson being so active, I would make it a point to read him lots of toilet learning books to him. So when the time comes he will know that he needs to go to the potty, pull his pants down, sit and pee. Do not force the issue. Keep the potty chair out in plain view and just read him stories. Say to him, "when you get to be a big boy, you will get to use the potty like us." By giving him control over starting the process, he will train faster. Believe me, do not keep pushing him. He will just go the opposite direction and use this as a tool against you. Do not worry about him. All kids train at their own pace. Boys, especially do not even start to think about training until three years old. Show him by example. Offer him to try. That's it. If he says "NO" then drop the subject or say "maybe later." I know this is very frustrating, but there is absolutely nothing you can do. You do not want to make it a traumatizing experience. Make it a fun one. Do whatever you have to do to make it fun. Sooner or later he will see the potty and start asking questions and want to try it. Don't worry, this is very normal for a three year old. This is when they are just learning about it. Most are not trained, but in the midst of training and learning. 2.5-year-old boy continually soils pants Q: I am a mother of 2 1/2 y old boy (only child in the house) who I have tried to train for the toilet since summer.I've been quite successful with using the toilet for urine, but the boy always passes motions into his pants at any place. He would ask for help with pees unless he forgets during a game, but he won't show any signs when it comes to poo. I've tried prices for good, anger for bad actions, nothing helps. He is afraid to be punished after but he still only calls for cleaning when the thing is done already. He is in a daily nursery-childcare and it lately became a problem also there. (He would not pass the motion there earlier and he used to go to the toilet there for urine) Any advice would be most welcome. A: This is VERY NORMAL for a 2 yr. old! Children usually have a fear of losing a part of themselves on the potty. For some reason they are just afraid to do a BM on the toilet. There is absolutely nothing you can do but encourage him for his good behavior. YOU should not however show any anger for his unsuccessful attempts (having his BM in his diaper or pants). The only thing you can do is show him that there is nothing to be afraid of (By example!). In addition, read toilet learning books to him every day and tell him that when he is a big boy like "someone he knows that is potty trained" then he will go poop on the potty too! Please do not show anger for mistakes made in his pants or diaper.This will only discourage and prolong your training. Make it a positive experience! Make him a chart. Give him a sticker for each successful use at the potty. This will give him a sense of pride and accomplishment and get him involved in the potty training process. Children will toilet train when they are ready! You cannot force a child to use the potty and if you do, you will only prolong the experience. Your child will use it against you and start to withhold his bowel movements (which you absolutely want to avoid when toilet training)! Don't worry, he is training at a normal pace. He is only 2 1/2 years old. Boys usually tend to train around three years old. Just keep reading him potty learning books and showing him by example and praising him for his "GOOD" behavior. It will work, it just takes time. :) Every child is different and will train when they are good and ready to. I hope this helps! 4.5-year-old girl not potty trained Q: I have a problem I hope you can help with. My daughter will be 5 in Feb. I have been training her for over 2 years now, I've tried everything possible . Right now she's back in pull-ups because she soils 5 or 6 undies a day. That seems not to work either, she pees in them, too. I'm at my wits end with this. Please, any suggestions? A: Your first step would be to call her pediatrician to make sure there isn't anything physically wrong with her. You need to make sure that there is not an underlying problem. The best advice I could give, is explain to her that it is time to use the toilet now because she is a big girl and this is where it goes. This is where YOU EXPECT her to go to the bathroom. Reread toilet learning books once or twice a day. Buy her a toilet training video such as once upon a potty for her (you can buy a whole kit with book, doll and video)! either at your local book store or Lee-Bee book store. After you prepare her with the books and tape, then make sure she knows that there are no more pull-ups. "Its time for you to use big girl underwear now!" Let her throw the bag of diapers away. Be kind to her. Make it fun for her. Make sure you have lots of fresh underwear and clothes that are easy for her to to change (sweat pants/shorts) into, herself. Have her change herself, not you. When she has an accident, tell her that it's O.K.and maybe next time she can try to remember to make it to the potty. Be very calm and nonchalant. Then direct her to where her underwear and clean pants are. Let her put the soiled pants in the sink or hamper and let her get her new clothes to put on. She will learn fairly quickly (in a week or so) that it is easier to walk to the potty than go through all the changing. Be nice with her. If you make a big deal out of it, she will use it as a tool to make you angry! So do not show anger when she has an accident. I hope this helps. Don't worry, you will have her trained in no time. 2.5-year-old girl won't do her BM on potty Q: Dear Lisa, 1. I have a two and a half year old and she really likes to go on the potty, the only problem is that she only goes pee, she does not want to go poop. Do you have any suggestions!!?? Please let me know!!! Thanks again and hope to hear from you soon A: It is very normal that your daughter does not want to go poop on the potty. There are many reasons for this. They are born pooping in a diaper and are just used to doing it that way. They do not want to change from the comfort of knowing how, when and where to do it! Another reason is the child fears losing a part of him/her. They do not understand the reason poop comes out! First of all, you cannot force her to poop on the potty if she is not ready. All you can do is keep the information and positive influence flowing. Keep reading the books and giving her a video to watch. Show her by example. Make it fun! The best advice I can give is to let her go without her diaper at the time she normally has her BM. If you time it right, she will attempt to go to her favorite spot and that's when you can guide her to the potty! She will poop on the potty when she is ready! They all do, so don't push her. It will just happen and you will be so elated! :) and so won't your daughter. Good luck! We will get your daughter a diploma, don't worry! Q: Kailea is in daycare all day and the teacher does not want to help me potty train her what should I do?? Should I just wait until I take a month off in January and do it then or what?? A: I would definitely wait until January. Then you will have the time it will take to be with her, be consistent and help when she has the BM's. Get her all psyched up for it, let her help throw the diapers away, etc. Make it a big, important event. Have her some new big girl undies too! Q: What do you think about pull-ups?? or should I go straight to big girl underwear?? I have heard that pull-ups are the same as diapers in that kids think they are diapers and use them the same way. Is this true?? A: If your daughter is peeing pretty good on the potty and can pull up and down her pants, then eliminate the pull-ups. She will just pee in them because they are like diapers. Try letting her put the wet ones in the sink and getting her own fresh ones. If she keeps peeing in her underwear all day long, then she probably isn't ready. Try again in a few months. Is my 3-year-old daughter ready? Q: Hi, My daughter will be 3 years old in June, and she shows some signs of wanting to be potty trained (washing her hands a lot, sometimes asks for me to change her peepee diaper, and wants to wear panties). However, she doesn't want to sit on the potty if I ask her if she wants to. Do you think she is ready? Should I put panties on if she wants them? She's very bright. She knows the whole process of going, but won't do it herself. Mentioning names of friends who are potty trained doesn't help and reading her the stories on potty training doesn't help either.I have even mentioned that she will be going to school in September and will need to be potty trained before she starts school. For a couple of weeks, I didn't mention anything associated with potty training thinking that might help. Any suggestions? A: I would let her try her panties if she is asking for them. When she has an accident, be matter of fact with her and simply have her take the wet ones off and any wet clothing and put them in the sink, then instruct her to get a fresh pair (have a stack handy in a convenient place such as the back of the toilet). She will learn fairly quickly to try to make it to the potty so she will not have to change herself. Also, only offer her the potty when she is showing signs. If and when she does wet herself, let her know it's o.k. because she is learning and then build her self-esteem by say "maybe next time we will get it in the potty"! Reward her for her success! Small treats and or stickers or her favorite small trinket for doing well. Q: My son just turned two December 16th, please help me. I want to put him daycare in june and I can't if he's not pootty trained. I have started but I'm not getting anywhere, it seems like it's going to take forever. He'll sit on it in the livingroom only if I give him candy. I don't think he knows what it's for I think he just does it for the candy.What can I do? Will he be potty trained by June? A: It is really important during toilet training that you don't show any negative emotions or pressure your child. Children can sense when you are anxious. He won't feel comfortable and will not want anything to do with toilet training. You can't toilet train him if he doesn't understand the process yet. Most boys aren't toilet trained until 2 3/4 yrs -3 yrs old. Read these links to help you get started: My Daughter is three and is stubborn about going to the potty.... Q: Hello, my daughter who just turned three in December is being quite stubborn about going potty in the potty. We have tried stickers, prizes, putting her in princess panties, all to some success. Then all of a sudden she acts like it is no big deal to pee and poop in her pants. My wife and I are struggling on how to get her to realize she is old enough to go on her own on the potty. Any help is appreciated. Celebrate the successes and ignore the accidents. Teach them to take responsibility for their accidents if they are mentally and psychically understand the process...and most three year olds do..they just need a little FIRM direction from mom and dad. If your child starts to withhold (very common in stubborn children), don't panic..simply put a little mineral oil in their juice in the mornings and it will prevent them from withholding and speed up the process. Here is a link on how I got my three year son to potty train (he was a withholder): http://www.lee-bee.com/faq1.htm My 4 year old refuses to go poop in the potty.... Q: Hello. I've read some of your potty training tips and really like what I see. The answer for the parent with the 3 year old who would not poop on the potty is perfect for us. My 4 year old refuses to go poop in the potty. Part of the suggestion was to tell the child there are no more diapers. My child is not night time dry, so we still use diapers for sleeping. Will this mess up the retraining for day time? If so, how do I night time potty train? I am getting frustrated with my child and any help would be appreciated.Thank you Hope this helps, |
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